Democrats Demand Epstein Files Be Released Immediately… After Misplacing Them for Four Years

Washington, D.C. — In a shocking twist no one saw coming (except everyone with a memory longer than 30 seconds), Democrats have suddenly remembered that Jeffrey Epstein existed.

After four years of holding every branch of government, from the White House to the Department of Justice to the White House’s snack drawer, Democrat leaders are now outraged that someone — they’re not sure who — hasn’t released the Epstein files.

“We demand transparency!” screamed one congressional aide while actively shredding FOIA requests from 2021. “The American people have a right to know what we forgot to care about the entire time Biden was president.”

The hypocrisy is so thick you could slice it with one of Hillary’s deleted emails. While Biden’s autopen was busily signing trillion-dollar spending packages, letters to transgender TikTok influencers, and executive orders about why your gas stove is racist, not once did it accidentally scribble out a release of the Epstein client list.

Not even a Post-it note.

Epstein was arrested and died in custody during Trump’s term — and somehow that means it’s Trump’s coverup, despite the fact that Biden had a full four years of “Build Back Never” to blow the case wide open. Instead, Merrick Garland’s Justice Department focused on the real criminals: parents at school board meetings and Catholics who attend Latin Mass.

Now, Democrats are pretending to hold a magnifying glass up to Epstein’s case like they’re Sherlock Holmes instead of the janitor from Scooby-Doo.

In a stunning act of courage, they’ve called on Republicans to answer for Epstein’s crimes while offering no explanation for why they let Ghislaine Maxwell get sentenced without revealing a single client.

According to inside sources, Biden was informed about Epstein’s files three years ago but nodded off halfway through the sentence. Kamala was asked to follow up but responded with a 9-minute word salad about yellow school buses and equity.

Republican leaders were quick to respond.

“Now that their approval ratings are circling the drain, suddenly they remember Epstein?” said one GOP aide. “Next thing you know they’ll demand the release of the Hunter Biden laptop — from Trump.”

“We gave them four years, unlimited power, and they did nothing,” one voter tweeted. “If they really wanted to unseal the Epstein files, maybe they should’ve taken a break from censoring memes and focused on… I don’t know… child sex trafficking?”

It’s not about truth. It’s not about justice. It’s about the polls.

And now that the public has started to notice, Democrats are pretending the four-year Epstein blackout was just a clerical error. You know, like Biden’s memory.