satire
Missouri Legislator Impresses Colleagues by Reading Text Messages from Lobbyists Out Loud
I don’t know what any of this means, but the guy who paid for my steak dinner said it’s good for freedom or something.
satire
satire
Missouri Democrats Outraged GOP Used “Previous Question” Motion Instead of Letting Them Talk Forever
“Silencing our never-ending speeches is an assault on our right to dramatic floor performances,” says one Senator while holding a thesaurus and crying. JEFFERSON CITY, MO — Missouri Senate Democrats erupted in wails of righteous indignation this week after Republicans committed the gravest sin of all: invoking the “Previous Question” motion
satire
Local Man Wishes Grassroots Organization Still Had Grassroots
One local resident found himself longing for the days when grassroots organizations actually had, well, grass.
satire
Missouri Abolitionists Furious State Is Only 99.8% Pro-Life Instead of 100%
“If we can’t have a perfect law that saves every child, then let’s roll the dice on a constitutional amendment written by Satan’s interns.” JEFFERSON CITY, MO — In a stunning display of moral clarity, Missouri’s most hardcore abortion abolitionists have announced their total opposition to HJR
satire
Chiefs Furious Missouri Stopped at 50% Giveaway
The Hunts seem unsatisfied, likely holding out for full valet parking for their yachts and taxpayer-covered fuel for their private jets.
satire
Josh Hawley Courageously Defends Waste, Fraud, and Abuse to Protect You from Lower Taxes
“If seniors aren’t funding bureaucratic boondoggles, are they really American?” he asked while adjusting his Yale cufflinks.
cronyism
Missouri Legislature to Launch “Missouri Vote Exchange” for Streamlined Corporate Bribery
“Going once for Big Pharma, going twice for stadium subsidies—SOLD to the PAC in the back!”
satire
Local Man Personally Responsible for Missouri’s Entire Economy After Buying Big Mac Once a Week
JEFFERSON CITY, MO — In a groundbreaking economic discovery, Missouri officials confirmed today that local citizen Jeremy Cady is the primary engine of the state economy—thanks to his weekly purchase of a Big Mac. According to a glossy new 217-page report from the Office of Creative Accounting and Selective Multipliers,
cronyism
State Budget Balanced Using Hopes, Dreams, and a 3rd Down Conversion
“There is no cost to taxpayers,” assured a senator while high-fiving a lobbyist and pointing to a spreadsheet labeled ‘Magical Revenue Streams.
cronyism
Missouri Legislature Passes Bill Letting All Citizens Keep Their Taxes to Pay Mortgages Since “Everyone Boosts the Economy”
“We realized billionaires aren’t the only job creators,” said one state senator.