Chiefs Furious Missouri Stopped at 50% Giveaway

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hunt family, owners of the Kansas City Chiefs and estimated to be worth $25 billion, expressed disappointment after the Missouri Legislature offered to cover only half the cost of their new stadium project.

Despite receiving a taxpayer-funded deal that would make most CEOs weep tears of joy, the Hunts seem unsatisfied, likely holding out for full valet parking for their yachts and taxpayer-covered fuel for their private jets.

Missouri's "Show-Me Sports Investment" Act, recently receiving the Governor's signature, would provide up to 50% public funding for new stadiums for both the Chiefs and the Royals.

The remaining balance? That’s on the billionaires. Which, apparently, is a step too far.

"We are grateful to Governor Mike Kehoe and the Missouri Legislature for taking this significant step forward," the Chiefs said in a statement. "While there's still work to be done, this legislation enables the Chiefs to continue exploring potential options to consider remaining in Missouri."

Ah yes, the classic billionaire move: take the deal, pocket the cash, and then keep negotiating for more. Because a $25 billion net worth only goes so far when you might have to pay for your own scoreboard.

The Royals issued a more gracious statement, at least pretending to be grateful for the legislative handout. "Now that both houses have voted and the bill is headed to the Governor's desk, we look forward to evaluating the plan in full detail. Our focus remains the same: to prioritize the best interests of our team, fans, partners, and regional community as we pursue the next generational home for the Kansas City Royals."

Translation: Thanks for the money. We’ll think about sticking around.

To put this in perspective: Missouri’s average household income is around $68,000. Legislators just approved funding to help two sports franchises—owned by billionaires—build new stadiums so they can raise ticket prices, sell more corporate boxes, and increase franchise valuations.

Imagine owning a profitable local diner and asking the state to pay for half of your kitchen remodel. The laughter would be deafening. But if you're a billionaire who inherited a team and slaps your logo on foam fingers? Suddenly you’re Missouri’s most important public servant.

And yet, even with all that, the Chiefs are still negotiating. Still not satisfied. Still ready to threaten departure if someone else won’t fund their empire.

In light of the family’s unmatched ability to extract public money from working families, they’re currently in discussions with the mayor to rename Kansas City to Huntville.

Note: This is only partially satire.