Local Man Personally Responsible for Missouri’s Entire Economy After Buying Big Mac Once a Week

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — In a groundbreaking economic discovery, Missouri officials confirmed today that local citizen Jeremy Cady is the primary engine of the state economy—thanks to his weekly purchase of a Big Mac.

According to a glossy new 217-page report from the Office of Creative Accounting and Selective Multipliers, Cady’s $5.89 transaction doesn’t just buy a sandwich. It “ripples” through the economy, touching every sector from agriculture to aerospace.

“Let’s break it down,” said Dr. Keith Wonkerson, lead economist behind the study. “That Big Mac purchase pays the cashier, who tips her dog groomer, who pays her mechanic, who reinvests in Bitcoin, which is freedom money, which stabilizes global markets, which boosts Missouri’s GDP. It’s basic economics.”

The report estimates that Cady’s single fast-food splurge creates:

• 39.2 new jobs (if you count vibes)
• $3.1 million in long-term economic activity (projected through 2094)
• Enough GDP growth to justify three new stadiums and a Taco Bell on every corner

Governor-approved stadium lobbyists quickly adopted the model, dubbing it “The Multiplier Menu Method.” One lawmaker even proposed renaming Route 63 “The Cady Corridor of Growth.”

“You think billionaires build the economy? No,” said Wonkerson, adjusting his Ronald McDonald necktie. “Jeremy eats a sandwich. That’s real impact.”

At press time, the Missouri General Assembly was drafting a bill to let Cady redirect his income taxes into McNuggets, citing “significant fiscal return per dipping sauce.”