Local Man Wishes Grassroots Organization Still Had Grassroots

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — As Missouri lawmakers rushed to pass a multi-million-dollar stadium subsidy for billionaires, one local resident found himself longing for the days when grassroots organizations actually had, well, grass.

“I just kept thinking, ‘If only there were a group out there fighting corporate welfare and government handouts,’” said Robert Clarity, staring out his window with a tear in his eye and a Constitution in his lap. “You know, one that talks about freedom and free markets and doesn’t ghost you the moment billionaires start writing checks.”

The group formerly known for knocking doors, rallying against cronyism, and pretending they still read Hayek was notably silent throughout the stadium subsidy debate. Though their office still technically exists in Missouri, it now mostly functions as a forgotten LinkedIn page and a place to store surplus liberty-themed koozies.

“They still send out emails saying they’re ‘fighting for freedom,’” Clarity added. “I just didn’t realize that meant watching from the sidelines while taxpayers get sacked.”

Sources say the group once known as “Americans for Less Government Waste But Only When It’s Convenient” plans to rebrand as “Spectators for Passive Futility”, focused primarily on offering commentary after the fact and occasionally tweeting half-hearted disapproval.

When asked why they didn’t engage on the stadium subsidy, one representative replied, “We considered doing something… but the billionaire was wearing our branded fleece vest and that just felt like a win.”

As of press time, the group was preparing a hard-hitting op-ed—scheduled to run three weeks after the vote.