MAGA Mom Calls for Banning First Amendment in Missouri

“I support the First Amendment unless it’s weird and not from Bass Pro.”

ST. LOUIS, MO — Local online patriot and walking contradiction @0708America took to social media last week to defend the U.S. Constitution by calling for a statewide ban on… the First Amendment.

“Halal/Kosher slaughter should be BANNED in Missouri!” she declared confidently, posting from her iPhone beneath a bald eagle header.

Apparently unaware that “religious liberty” includes religions not headquartered in Branson, @0708America has bravely decided that freedom should only apply to things she personally finds comfortable, familiar, and served with ranch.

“I’m not anti-Semitic,” she clarified. “I just think we should criminalize how Jews prepare food. Totally different.”

When reached for comment, the Constitution itself issued a quiet groan.

Scholars confirmed that Halal and Kosher slaughter methods have been protected under the First Amendment since, well, the First Amendment existed and that these practices are often more humane and regulated than many industrial meat operations.

“Doesn’t matter,” @0708America responded. “If I don’t understand it, it shouldn’t be legal. That’s how freedom works.”

She then changed her display name to “REAL PATRIOT 🇺🇲💥” and tweeted, “No one is above AMERICAN LAW. Not even people following religious practices protected by AMERICAN LAW.”