Missouri Democrats Outraged GOP Used “Previous Question” Motion Instead of Letting Them Talk Forever
“Silencing our never-ending speeches is an assault on our right to dramatic floor performances,” says one Senator while holding a thesaurus and crying.
JEFFERSON CITY, MO — Missouri Senate Democrats erupted in wails of righteous indignation this week after Republicans committed the gravest sin of all: invoking the “Previous Question” motion and forcing a vote.
The horror.
“This is an unprecedented attack on democracy,” screamed one Democrat, who had spent the last 9 hours reading aloud from the back of a cereal box to delay a vote he was going to lose 24–10 anyway. “We demand the right to hold the chamber hostage indefinitely under the noble banner of pointless obstruction.”
Historically, Missouri senators only filibustered when a compromise might be reached. But times have changed.
“Now we filibuster for the sake of feeling important,” said one Democratic staffer, who requested anonymity while organizing a dramatic walkout that no one noticed. “Compromise? That’s outdated. Our job is to talk endlessly, whine theatrically, and post angry selfies from the floor.”
Republicans, in a shocking twist, decided they’d had enough kabuki theater for one session and filed a PQ motion—basically the political equivalent of saying, “Okay, you’re done. Sit down.”
Democrats responded by pretending to faint, calling the media, and filing three resolutions condemning the use of parliamentary procedure as “anti-justice,” “anti-dialogue,” and “triggering.”
“The GOP silenced our sacred right to delay the inevitable,” one Senator sobbed while clutching her procedural manual. “If they can just vote, what even is democracy?”
When pressed, none of the outraged Senators could remember when the last Democrat bill was filibustered into oblivion.
“But that’s not the point,” they insisted. “This is about tradition. A tradition where we stall everything until the lobbyist brunch.”
In a rare show of bipartisanship, several Republican senators agreed it’s wrong to silence opposing voices—but insisted it’s worse to let those voices recite the Communist Manifesto at 3 a.m. for the fifth time this week.